Star Wars games
Dec 19, 2009 3:29:31 GMT
Post by SharpEar on Dec 19, 2009 3:29:31 GMT
"Hey Sharpear, review something recent!"
...No. I don't own a lot of new games, and I tend to dislike modern games to begin with. So no. I know nobody asked, just saying in advance in case anyone cares.
So, STAR WARS! Easily one of the greatest movies of all time, with two glorious sequels at that. What's that you say? There are five sequels? Uh, no. Episodes I, II, and III are fanfictions at best. And you can't make me watch Clone Wars, I'd rather cut my own penis off. I'm dead serious.
Anyway, this isn't about Star Wars the film, it's about the massive slew of syndicated video games that followed, from the first Star Wars NES all the way up to the embarrassing Star Wars: Force Unleashed. I'll only be doing very short reviews since there are so many.
The first game was just a simple sidescroller, nothing special. The sequel; Empire Strikes Back, was in the same vein. But we're gonna skip ahead a bit, for the sake of my rambloticism. I'll start with the "film games", the ones based on episodes I, II, and III.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, the Game. Released for the PS1. A 3D adventure game, featuring force powers, special moves, different kinds of enemies, and absolutely nothing special in any way, shape, or form. It's droll and predictable. It's just a way to suck money out of a franchise.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the Game. Released for the PS2. Another 3D adventure game, but with more of an emphasis on differing forms of gameplay, with vehicle sections as well as jedi battle stages. Again, a mediocre presentation that might as well not be acknowledged. It's fun for a couple of hours, but it's just so simple and thoughtless, and it feels nothing like a Star Wars game should.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, the Game. Released for PS2 and maybe XBox. Same thing, but they tried to throw in an RPG feel, and ditched the vehicle sections. They went for a darker tone with this one, but it just ends up looking stupid. Repetitive and pointless. Some cool lightsaber combos and force powers, but it gets old almost instantly. Doesn't feel like Star Wars, doesn't deserve to carry the title. A lot like the movie it's based on. Bastards.
Star Wars: Battlefront. Holy peniswolf, this is what you call a GAME. Fun, engaging, lots of variety, balanced, immersive to a certain degree, and did I mention fun? A great game, and one that really puts you into the Star Wars universe. Unfortunately, a small handful of flaws hold it back from true greatness. Besides, no simple shoot-'em-up could really capture the depth, subtext, and subtle majesty of Star Wars. But then again no game truly can either.
Star Wars: Battlefront II. Oh, great. They took a good game and made a shitty sequel, right? Wrong. This game was even better than the first. The hero system is well-designed and the unit types are beautifully balanced while still having individual niches and interesting features depending on faction and specific unit type. The Galactic Conquest is fun for a few go 'rounds, and the campaign, while not genuinely interesting, is pretty fun and engaging. Instant Action battles are infinitely enjoyable. So many maps, and so much you can do. The specifics for each battle are modifiable, unlike in the prequel. There are space battles too, and while I'd naturally assumed they would feel tacked on and bland, they kicked plenty of arse while preserving the look and feel of Star Wars. Still, however, this game doesn't deserve it's namesake. It just doesn't bear that deep quality of story and immersive power of Star Wars. Still a fantastic game, though. I still play it once in a while.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. What the fuck!? We had a good thing going, LucasArts! You bait me with treasure like KotOR and BFII, then shit in my face? The game isn't THAT bad, but you were doing so damn good! ARGH!!
Star Wars: Empire at War. A real-time strategy game? Naff off, LucasArts, you swarthy bastard. I ain't fallin' for it this time. Hm... wait a minute... Hey, this game's actually pretty good. It's more balanced and enjoyable than most RTS's that aren't star wars, and it's got a nice feel to it as well. Wow... They made a game that properly presents the Star Wars mythos while still being great all by itself... Maybe the apocalypse IS coming. More like this, please.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KotOR).
......Damn. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I doubted you guys. This is... Godly. It's just absolutely magnificent. There are a few balance issues here and there, and the storyline is an obvious allegory to the original trilogy, but it's just so... Good. Depth, plot, subtlety, choice, replayability...
It just feels so much like Star Wars... Remember when I said no video game could truly feel like Star Wars? I was wrong. KotOR can. And KotOR does. The game uses a D&D-style stat breakdown and effect system, and that only adds to its greatness. It reminds of Planescape: Torment, another wonderful game. I never would have expected a Star Wars RPG to be so delightfully brilliant. Hell, I never even expected any Star Wars game to be this good.
To be fair, the sequel; KotOR II, is very good as well, but lacks a certain level of originality and subtlety. Now and forever, KotOR is THE greatest Star Wars game of all time, as far as I'm concerned. And it truly deserves to share that name with George Lucas's 1977 film.
Roll the credits...
*John Williams music plays*
STAR WARS: The Reviews of the Games.
Written, Directed and Produced by SharpEar.
...No. I don't own a lot of new games, and I tend to dislike modern games to begin with. So no. I know nobody asked, just saying in advance in case anyone cares.
So, STAR WARS! Easily one of the greatest movies of all time, with two glorious sequels at that. What's that you say? There are five sequels? Uh, no. Episodes I, II, and III are fanfictions at best. And you can't make me watch Clone Wars, I'd rather cut my own penis off. I'm dead serious.
Anyway, this isn't about Star Wars the film, it's about the massive slew of syndicated video games that followed, from the first Star Wars NES all the way up to the embarrassing Star Wars: Force Unleashed. I'll only be doing very short reviews since there are so many.
The first game was just a simple sidescroller, nothing special. The sequel; Empire Strikes Back, was in the same vein. But we're gonna skip ahead a bit, for the sake of my rambloticism. I'll start with the "film games", the ones based on episodes I, II, and III.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, the Game. Released for the PS1. A 3D adventure game, featuring force powers, special moves, different kinds of enemies, and absolutely nothing special in any way, shape, or form. It's droll and predictable. It's just a way to suck money out of a franchise.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the Game. Released for the PS2. Another 3D adventure game, but with more of an emphasis on differing forms of gameplay, with vehicle sections as well as jedi battle stages. Again, a mediocre presentation that might as well not be acknowledged. It's fun for a couple of hours, but it's just so simple and thoughtless, and it feels nothing like a Star Wars game should.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, the Game. Released for PS2 and maybe XBox. Same thing, but they tried to throw in an RPG feel, and ditched the vehicle sections. They went for a darker tone with this one, but it just ends up looking stupid. Repetitive and pointless. Some cool lightsaber combos and force powers, but it gets old almost instantly. Doesn't feel like Star Wars, doesn't deserve to carry the title. A lot like the movie it's based on. Bastards.
Star Wars: Battlefront. Holy peniswolf, this is what you call a GAME. Fun, engaging, lots of variety, balanced, immersive to a certain degree, and did I mention fun? A great game, and one that really puts you into the Star Wars universe. Unfortunately, a small handful of flaws hold it back from true greatness. Besides, no simple shoot-'em-up could really capture the depth, subtext, and subtle majesty of Star Wars. But then again no game truly can either.
Star Wars: Battlefront II. Oh, great. They took a good game and made a shitty sequel, right? Wrong. This game was even better than the first. The hero system is well-designed and the unit types are beautifully balanced while still having individual niches and interesting features depending on faction and specific unit type. The Galactic Conquest is fun for a few go 'rounds, and the campaign, while not genuinely interesting, is pretty fun and engaging. Instant Action battles are infinitely enjoyable. So many maps, and so much you can do. The specifics for each battle are modifiable, unlike in the prequel. There are space battles too, and while I'd naturally assumed they would feel tacked on and bland, they kicked plenty of arse while preserving the look and feel of Star Wars. Still, however, this game doesn't deserve it's namesake. It just doesn't bear that deep quality of story and immersive power of Star Wars. Still a fantastic game, though. I still play it once in a while.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. What the fuck!? We had a good thing going, LucasArts! You bait me with treasure like KotOR and BFII, then shit in my face? The game isn't THAT bad, but you were doing so damn good! ARGH!!
Star Wars: Empire at War. A real-time strategy game? Naff off, LucasArts, you swarthy bastard. I ain't fallin' for it this time. Hm... wait a minute... Hey, this game's actually pretty good. It's more balanced and enjoyable than most RTS's that aren't star wars, and it's got a nice feel to it as well. Wow... They made a game that properly presents the Star Wars mythos while still being great all by itself... Maybe the apocalypse IS coming. More like this, please.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KotOR).
......Damn. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I doubted you guys. This is... Godly. It's just absolutely magnificent. There are a few balance issues here and there, and the storyline is an obvious allegory to the original trilogy, but it's just so... Good. Depth, plot, subtlety, choice, replayability...
It just feels so much like Star Wars... Remember when I said no video game could truly feel like Star Wars? I was wrong. KotOR can. And KotOR does. The game uses a D&D-style stat breakdown and effect system, and that only adds to its greatness. It reminds of Planescape: Torment, another wonderful game. I never would have expected a Star Wars RPG to be so delightfully brilliant. Hell, I never even expected any Star Wars game to be this good.
To be fair, the sequel; KotOR II, is very good as well, but lacks a certain level of originality and subtlety. Now and forever, KotOR is THE greatest Star Wars game of all time, as far as I'm concerned. And it truly deserves to share that name with George Lucas's 1977 film.
Roll the credits...
*John Williams music plays*
STAR WARS: The Reviews of the Games.
Written, Directed and Produced by SharpEar.