Review Roundup
Feb 9, 2010 7:11:08 GMT
Post by SharpEar on Feb 9, 2010 7:11:08 GMT
I don't really feel like doing these anymore, so I'll just quickly wrap up any plans I had sitting in the back of my head for future reviews.
Garden State, movie, written and directed by Zach Braff: At first this flick presented the facade of a typical idiotic and self-righteous independent film, but actually managed to draw me in and win me over in the last thirty minutes. Bravo Zach, turns out you can both write AND play a dramatic role. Thanks for explodifying my head region.
Death Magnetic, newish album by Metallica: I only think to review this because I've seen how much flak it's been getting on the intarwebz. "i only liek ther old stuf lol" seems to be a pretty common phrase on music forums lately. Personally I thought it was better than Reload, and maybe even Saint Anger. I guess you just can't stop stupid people from believing stereotypes, like the one that new music by old bands is always bad. And I know "The Day that Never Comes" has been sorely overrated, but I still think it deserves a place as one of their all-time best songs. Don't think it's the only reason to buy (or pirate) the album, though.
Off-Topic--> And yes, I am a supporter of internet piracy.
WAY off-topic--> Incidentally, I'm not a big fan of capitalism either, but I still don't like Barack Obama.
Assassin's Creed: All-round, a really good game. I thought the story was both interesting and well presented, and that the combat system was very functional, and served what purpose it had. The story is its redeeming quality, as the gameplay (especially the combat and investigation missions) get pretty damned repetetive. The twists were a bit predictable, but the ending "puzzle" was fun I guess. I've heard a lot of people dismiss the game because of all the unskippable conversations and whatnot, but if you want a game without a story, go play either Pong or Modern Warfare. I just get sick of hearing people say "Oh hem jee, this gaem iz sooo boring." ...It's called a narrative, you twit. Not every gamer is an idiot, some of us like story, and consider it vital to the atmosphere of a gaming experience. I'm sure that most everyone here agrees with me.
Mass Effect: Crashes on my pc when I become a spectre and try to leave the Citadel. I didn't like it enough to bother finding out why, but maybe someday I'll get bored, fix it, and actually like it. We'll see.
Stephen Colbert's "I Am America, And So Can You!" Audiobook: Pretty odd choice for a review, but Stephen Colbert's one of my favorite political satirists. His ironic blend of ultramegaconservativism is present in force, and makes for an entertaining listen. It's only three and a half hours, and the later bits are a bit subpar, but it's vintage Colbert through and through. Unfortunately, you'd get no more enjoyment from it than from just watching a marathon of his show. It's worth buying, I'd say, but only if you're a fan.
Sid Meier's Pirates for PC: Awesome game. Great to just jump into. Very good design and loads of replay hours just waiting to happen.
The American Taxation System: Overly labyrinthine and annoying. Not a fun experience at all.
Medieval II - Total War: Slightly less fun than Rome Total War, but makes up for it with titfucking AWESOME presentation. Everything RTW did wrong with presentation M2TW fixes beautifully. Hell, even the title screen is a thousand times better than RTW's. It's like the game is basically saying: "what the FUCK do you think you're doing!? You better straighten your arse up in that chair, bitch, this is some REAL shit right here." A fantastically immersive experience, but somehow they managed to squeeze in even MORE micromanagement. Good for gamers like me, not quite so good for most of them (no self-importance intended).
Fable II: Overwhelmingly depressing. Fable was a really good game, and when I heard that my old flame Peter Molyneux was running about robbing panhandlers to make a sequel, I jumped with glee. "He'll fix all those nagging flaws!" I thought. "And it'll be just as fun as the original, but with better design! YEARGH!!"
...Goddamnit, Molyneux. We're not on speaking terms anymore, you heartbreaker.
Fallout III: Fans of the series are WAAY pissed off about this game. I loved the first two, and doubted that a sequel could be good. It beat my expectations, and managed to be OKAY, but it still doesn't deserve to share one damn letter of its title with the real Fallout. I still can't stand the fact that some people think it's godly, which is vastly incorrect, and still others think it's diaper-stuffing, which I personally don't think it is.
Windows 7: Seemingly made for young children with learning disabilites. Okay, that's harsh, it isn't bad at all, but I really hate how simplified it is. In order to make every feature available two or three clicks from the control panel, Windows 7 damned itself with tech junkies. I made a flow chart to express what I mean:
XP: 1>2>3>4>5
W7: 1>1>2>1>2
The number represents the complexity of the action which you wish to perform, and each arrow is a progression from one window to another. If that doesn't really make sense, I can express it another way:
SharpEar: Hey computer, I need to adjust the amount of available virtual memory, mmkay?
Windows 7: You wanna do what? Change your screen saver? Here, I'll hold your hand and walk you through it.
SharpEar: What? No, I mean how do I adjust my VRAM?
Windows 7: Oh. Okay. Are you the administrator?
SharpEar: YES, DAMMIT! I'm the only bleeding user on this computer! Speaking of which, how do I turn that off so you don't ask me that every time?
Windows 7: It's easy, just right-click the desktop, then left-click gadgets.
SharpEar: Wha- Not how to set gadgets, you tit!
Windows 7: What's the difference?
SharpEar: *Punches monitor*
...Uh... Anyway......
I'm going back to XP, and never spending 250 dollars American on an OS again. It's a damn shame, though, as W7 has a lot of really really good features. Compatibility isn't as much of an issue as with Vista, either, but it just holds itself back. Keep trying, Microsoft, even though it's just preparation for your eventual invasion of Earth from your home planet.
Fresno, California: Full of gangbangers and stupid goth kids. I heard once that California's landscape is a lot like England's countryside. That's about the funniest thing I've ever heard, oddly enough. It's a BIT more like lowland Scotland, really, except there are a lot more cows and the weather is completely fucking random. It's hotter than Tony Blair's tightly wound ballsack six months out of the year, but that's really the only thing you can count on.
Well, thanks for listening to me talk about stuff. Back to the forum games I guess.
Garden State, movie, written and directed by Zach Braff: At first this flick presented the facade of a typical idiotic and self-righteous independent film, but actually managed to draw me in and win me over in the last thirty minutes. Bravo Zach, turns out you can both write AND play a dramatic role. Thanks for explodifying my head region.
Death Magnetic, newish album by Metallica: I only think to review this because I've seen how much flak it's been getting on the intarwebz. "i only liek ther old stuf lol" seems to be a pretty common phrase on music forums lately. Personally I thought it was better than Reload, and maybe even Saint Anger. I guess you just can't stop stupid people from believing stereotypes, like the one that new music by old bands is always bad. And I know "The Day that Never Comes" has been sorely overrated, but I still think it deserves a place as one of their all-time best songs. Don't think it's the only reason to buy (or pirate) the album, though.
Off-Topic--> And yes, I am a supporter of internet piracy.
WAY off-topic--> Incidentally, I'm not a big fan of capitalism either, but I still don't like Barack Obama.
Assassin's Creed: All-round, a really good game. I thought the story was both interesting and well presented, and that the combat system was very functional, and served what purpose it had. The story is its redeeming quality, as the gameplay (especially the combat and investigation missions) get pretty damned repetetive. The twists were a bit predictable, but the ending "puzzle" was fun I guess. I've heard a lot of people dismiss the game because of all the unskippable conversations and whatnot, but if you want a game without a story, go play either Pong or Modern Warfare. I just get sick of hearing people say "Oh hem jee, this gaem iz sooo boring." ...It's called a narrative, you twit. Not every gamer is an idiot, some of us like story, and consider it vital to the atmosphere of a gaming experience. I'm sure that most everyone here agrees with me.
Mass Effect: Crashes on my pc when I become a spectre and try to leave the Citadel. I didn't like it enough to bother finding out why, but maybe someday I'll get bored, fix it, and actually like it. We'll see.
Stephen Colbert's "I Am America, And So Can You!" Audiobook: Pretty odd choice for a review, but Stephen Colbert's one of my favorite political satirists. His ironic blend of ultramegaconservativism is present in force, and makes for an entertaining listen. It's only three and a half hours, and the later bits are a bit subpar, but it's vintage Colbert through and through. Unfortunately, you'd get no more enjoyment from it than from just watching a marathon of his show. It's worth buying, I'd say, but only if you're a fan.
Sid Meier's Pirates for PC: Awesome game. Great to just jump into. Very good design and loads of replay hours just waiting to happen.
The American Taxation System: Overly labyrinthine and annoying. Not a fun experience at all.
Medieval II - Total War: Slightly less fun than Rome Total War, but makes up for it with titfucking AWESOME presentation. Everything RTW did wrong with presentation M2TW fixes beautifully. Hell, even the title screen is a thousand times better than RTW's. It's like the game is basically saying: "what the FUCK do you think you're doing!? You better straighten your arse up in that chair, bitch, this is some REAL shit right here." A fantastically immersive experience, but somehow they managed to squeeze in even MORE micromanagement. Good for gamers like me, not quite so good for most of them (no self-importance intended).
Fable II: Overwhelmingly depressing. Fable was a really good game, and when I heard that my old flame Peter Molyneux was running about robbing panhandlers to make a sequel, I jumped with glee. "He'll fix all those nagging flaws!" I thought. "And it'll be just as fun as the original, but with better design! YEARGH!!"
...Goddamnit, Molyneux. We're not on speaking terms anymore, you heartbreaker.
Fallout III: Fans of the series are WAAY pissed off about this game. I loved the first two, and doubted that a sequel could be good. It beat my expectations, and managed to be OKAY, but it still doesn't deserve to share one damn letter of its title with the real Fallout. I still can't stand the fact that some people think it's godly, which is vastly incorrect, and still others think it's diaper-stuffing, which I personally don't think it is.
Windows 7: Seemingly made for young children with learning disabilites. Okay, that's harsh, it isn't bad at all, but I really hate how simplified it is. In order to make every feature available two or three clicks from the control panel, Windows 7 damned itself with tech junkies. I made a flow chart to express what I mean:
XP: 1>2>3>4>5
W7: 1>1>2>1>2
The number represents the complexity of the action which you wish to perform, and each arrow is a progression from one window to another. If that doesn't really make sense, I can express it another way:
SharpEar: Hey computer, I need to adjust the amount of available virtual memory, mmkay?
Windows 7: You wanna do what? Change your screen saver? Here, I'll hold your hand and walk you through it.
SharpEar: What? No, I mean how do I adjust my VRAM?
Windows 7: Oh. Okay. Are you the administrator?
SharpEar: YES, DAMMIT! I'm the only bleeding user on this computer! Speaking of which, how do I turn that off so you don't ask me that every time?
Windows 7: It's easy, just right-click the desktop, then left-click gadgets.
SharpEar: Wha- Not how to set gadgets, you tit!
Windows 7: What's the difference?
SharpEar: *Punches monitor*
...Uh... Anyway......
I'm going back to XP, and never spending 250 dollars American on an OS again. It's a damn shame, though, as W7 has a lot of really really good features. Compatibility isn't as much of an issue as with Vista, either, but it just holds itself back. Keep trying, Microsoft, even though it's just preparation for your eventual invasion of Earth from your home planet.
Fresno, California: Full of gangbangers and stupid goth kids. I heard once that California's landscape is a lot like England's countryside. That's about the funniest thing I've ever heard, oddly enough. It's a BIT more like lowland Scotland, really, except there are a lot more cows and the weather is completely fucking random. It's hotter than Tony Blair's tightly wound ballsack six months out of the year, but that's really the only thing you can count on.
Well, thanks for listening to me talk about stuff. Back to the forum games I guess.